day 15 - who is someone you admire. why?

Someone I admire would be me. I admire how strong I've become with everything that has been going around. All the betrayal and dying and mostly just ignorance. I admire how I rise up above everything and start up things again even if it did not work out perfectly the pervious time. I admire how I always stick to my given words and how I always end up being the one who is picked on when she's trying to fucking help. I admire how I love people and always try to be there for them and they fucking leave you without even a sorry and not even a word for crying out loud. I admire how pathetically sorry I feel for people who don't care anymore. I admire the fact that it doesn't take much for me to realize that at times I'm stupid and I do stupid things and I always ALWAYS feel like giving up but end up feeling even stronger because I wanna screw the world downside up. I wanna make people feel what it's like to be nice and turn their backward ass around saying "Hey you fucking retard, grow a pair and face the reality ! There are other scums screwing that person right there. Give her a break ! She already has enough from something what she calls her WHOLE GOD DAMN FUCKING WORLD. You're not helping her survive any more further. So, just fucking stop !". I admire how I love the people who are sticking by me via facebook with late night chat and their "you're good, you'll do good" talk even though I always end up feeling very stupid about it. I admire how I always remember these people no matter what and I smile thinking how stupid they are for making me feel stupid and making me love them so god damn much. I admire how I have lost so many people and gained so much more without even replacing the memories and emotions. I admire how I make things possible and not depend upon some stupid ass's word about how everything's gonna work because "you're awesome!" crap. I admire the fact that I can keep my cool and let it go when I want to because that's what a real mature person would do and can do. I admire how I don't hurt people with a warning. I admire how I love myself. I admire myself. 

I don't need any other person in my life to give me hope that I have already given to myself. If I die on that hope and give up, consider this as a blog with a reason why I let go of myself.