I'm kinda high but i'm sad. i should go hit some more. or go get some cactus juice. or unicorn poop. they poop rainbows. i should go get some rainbows.

I have whiny friends, funny friends, "wannabe" friends and all sorts of friends. They tell me about their life, they tell me how horrible and painful it is and they cry about it. They tell me about their weirdest experiences and they make me laugh my ass off. They tell me how they are about to buy this and that and act like "oh I don't have money" but they talk about buying things that are out of their act. Yes, just like everybody else, I have all sorts of friends.
I have friends that lie to me about how they will be there for you when you need somebody. I have friends that listen to you when you need to talk or share and I even have friends that actually help me out with my problems. But despite all that, I feel like there is NO ONE when i actually talk about things. I know there are few exceptions but thinking about the number of people I know and I actually care for, I have very few who return the care and love. I mean yeah, "don't expect anything in return" is actually quite meaningful but come on, seriously?
I don't really know what I'm actually writing about nor do I know why. I just need a friend right now. Not just for a movie or shopping or photos but for someone to like come and talk to me and come and visit me and hug me. Sigh, I'm desperate. 

day 30 - what do you imagine your life like at age fifty?

Well, I would love to say have tons of cash in my account and forget shit and just travel but then again if I think of it practically, I would have a family to think about. If I have a kid, ugh, god no! then I guess I would wait for it to grow up and start doing its own thing. You know, career and stuff like that.
Things DEPEND upon so much circumstances to just even imagine things. Plus I haven't really imagined jack so I guess I'll just leave these things for when I turn 50. Oh, only if life would go the way I would plan it to go. I mean it would but I change my mind a lot so it's hard for my life to settle at one point. Poor life, I do so much to make it all confused and lost. But at least I don't call my life a BITCH.
ANYHOO, I don't know :)

day 29 - do you wish for anything at 11:11? if so, what do you wish for? has anything ever come true?

What makes you think I stare at the watch waiting for it to turn 11:11 exactly? I am very bad at paying attention and I get bored easily so, NO, I do not wish for anything at 11:11. 

day 28 - if you could choose to live forever, would you? why or why not?

Live forever and do oh so many things but I bet I'de be pretty lazy. I mean don't people get urges to do things and complete things and plan to do things because of the uncertainty of life? I mean not that I'm saying that's what I do but I mean having a little limit and a little risk makes everything worth it I guess.
So, No, I wouldn't want to live forever. I would let nature take its course because let's face it, we humans HAVE been changing things a lot. And if I was to be found suffering with some sort of disease please don't take me to the doctor.

day 27 - which do you prefer: films or television? why?

I would rather consider YOUTUBE videos or YOUTUBE series or just YOUTUBE actually. I don't watch television cause I just put mine away. Films? They are very very rare. So yeah, YOUTUBE is the only thing that's for me. Why? Because you find literally anything there. Films, soap opera, music videos, cartoons, everything.  

day 26 - choose two: mentally stable, intelligent, attractive. explain why you chose those two

Oh my god, NONE !
Mentally stable? I mean who in the world is mentally stable? A person with the craziest thoughts and the ability to do the most extremest things, that's what I want. Intelligent? If the guy is MENTALLY STABLE, I don't see the chances of that person being intelligent. And Attractive ! NO -.- I don't see how that would be attractive.
A person with a mind with the ability to come and go in and out of the state of insanity, that's mentally stable.
A person who does, sees and presents things in his own way and who respects everything, that's intelligent.
A person who uses his beautiful mind to do, see and present thing in a beautiful way, that is attractive.
Choosing two of the three would just disturb the balance.

day 25 - would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?

Funny thing, I never know what kind of guy I date. Hell, I don't know if I'm even dating them.

But I think I would date someone in the middle. Obviously, judging him will be something I will never be good at but I bet he'll be somewhere in the middle of the two. 

Someone plain as well beautiful and someone with amazing as well as plain personality. Then again things change. So, I'm not really sure about this thing. But whatever, I'll date when I'll date and I sure as hell won't judge the guy. Perhaps I should ! That'll make sure that I don't end up with a douche over and over again. Hmm.. everything's an experience though. 

I would date someone who would take me SERIOUSLY and try and make me talk and not just talk about himself. Yeah, cause I've had enough of that already. I mean I have friends who do that why would I need another person too? 

So then it's settled, someone plain as well as beautiful and someone with amazing as well as plain personality and someone who would take me seriously and talk about both of us equally.  And might I add ; 

DUDE, I LOVE YOU TO DEATH ALREADY ! 

day 24 - how attractive do you consider yourself?

Well, one this's for sure, I am not HOT to have any Hot Problems.
I do not consider myself anything. I mean in a good way obviously. I look however I imagine I think I do and put on that face to myself and that's all. I really don't remember my face. Like every time I look at the mirror (which is rare :P ) I feel like the reflection is going to change because I feel different than I look. I look sad and pathetic when I'm happy and satisfied. So, I consider myself different than attractive. 

day 23 - are you a fan of art? if so, who is your favorite artist? what artistic movement do you prefer?

Yes, I am a fan of ART ! Saying that I would also like to add that a FAN of art does not have a favorite artist nor an artistic movement because one is deeply in love with EVERYTHING and respects EVEYONE and EVERYTHING. 

day 22 - what subject did/do you exceed in/at school?

I was a very good art student. I caught up with the techniques pretty fast and I had like 10 art files covered each year. I was a straight A student in art. Then came the music. Our school has this really weird music thing. I mean they used to teach us some songs and to grade us, they used to call us up and make us sing one of the songs they taught. Straight A student there as well. Dance, the teacher loved me. So, A there as well.
I think it was when I reached my 5th grade that we could choose a musical instrument. I chose guitar. Our teacher was this really cool old dude who taught us whatever we wanted to. He always encouraged me. He taught nothing at times so I pretty much learned the chords on my own looking at a chart paper with the diagrams of the chords. Our grading system there was real simple. He used to call out a chord and we had to play it. As much as I would love to say straight A student here as well, but I once got a B.
See, I am an artistic person. But I was a pretty good English student. I always scored higher in English. If not the highest than the second or the third highest. I started slipping once I reached 9th grade. It's because the teacher taught the things he was supposed to teach in the weirdest way. I mean teach how you should not according to the books. I mean by 9th I had pretty good English, I used to read and use Shakespearean English. Dude, come on ! So, I had pretty good knowledge about what I was writing. But the teacher would be like, WRITE WHAT I TAUGHT YOU. I never did. Hence the slipping of the grade.
From my 5th grade to the 7th I scored full marks in Maths. The teacher was good, the teaching technique was good so obviously no one could fail. After that I just slipped because Maths was never my thing. Again, I am an artistic person. I write, I play, and I don't like numbers.
So, yeah . These are the things.

day 21 - do you want children? why or why not?

The thing you should know about me, I HATE KIDS. I think it's because I start comparing kids in my mind with the little kid I used to be. I grew up hearing about how "good" and "mannered" we three sisters were. Doing what our mum asked us to and always staying quiet. And then I see other's kid who are nagging their parents about what they want and what they don't and crying and crying and CRYING !
I mean I'm good with kids, I am. Kids love me, go figure. I think it's because I love animals, especially dogs. I've grown up taking care of my dogs. From grooming them to even cleaning their crap, yeah I know. According to the experts, I don't know who the hell they are, people who are good with animals will make a good parent someday. The only thing is DOGS understand me BABIES don't.
I don't know man, things change when you grow up. I might want a kid I might not. I don't really care about it right now. I'm just 17 why the hell would I want to think about a kid when I hardly have money with me. Not to mention I'm not even in a relationship. Wait, about the relationship part, don't get me wrong !
If I would want children, I have no idea why I would want some. If I don't then it's because they're weird creatures that come out of you. They come out of you. UGH !! I don't know what's so BEAUTIFUL about that. People scare me.

day 20 - would you consider yourself an optimist or a realist? why?

Well .

Kidding. I consider myself a little bit of both. Optimism helps me get through rough times and also makes me happy most of the time. Where as being realistic helps me understand things more clearly. I mean it's better to accept the reality and accept it than to make up another story in your own dimension and try and make yourself feel good even though you have a fear of the reality hitting you harder than you ever wanted. I think that's the reason why I don't like talking about the future and planning like everything's going to end tomorrow. Because  let's be real, you won't do the things you want to. You do what you need to.

day 19 - if you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would it be? what would you say to them or ask them?

Let's leave the dead people alone now shall we? If I could meet anyone I would meet YOU.
I really need to have a normal response -.-
I have never really given a thought to it before. I guess I not much of a "OH I WISH I COULD MEET HIM/HER" kinda person. People I have with me right now are just about enough to make me good. Plus I am very bad with names. At times I forget people's name, not intentionally but I do.
You know what? If I could meet anyone than I would want to meet all those beautiful people from Tumblr. YEAH! Oh how I would droll over their good vibes and artistic mind. I would ask them to be my best friends for life. Nah, that's lame. What would I ask them? I don't know. Something awesome I bet. But for now just about this much is fine I guess. 

day 18 - what is your favorite film? why is it so important to you?

I hate you -.-
Let's see. My favorite film would have to be........come on man, why do I have to pick just one? Oh, you know what? I don't. It's my blog, it's my topic, there no restriction.
My very first movie that moved me was "lahurey". Now, I'm not going to bother explaining about the movie because if you haven't seen it then "Daju bhaai tatha didi bahini ho ra mera priya mitra ho, alik Nepal Television herney garnu". I have watched this movie like I don't know, ever since I was small and I would die to watch it even now. I cry when I watch a movie (yeah, shockers!), but watching the movie for the second time I don't. But this one gets me every time.
Another would be "The Big Fish". I watched it when I was far from understanding English well enough to even speak of it. I fell in love with this movie.
"A Knight's Tale", I still watch it. Oh Heath Ledger, Why must you drown me in your beautiful beauty?
"Napoleon Dynamite", I started being cool because of this movie. God, who wouldn't be? Napoleon and Pedro are the BOMB y'all !
"Shaun Of The Dead" and "Hot fuzz", my very first choice that bibay did not regret. I mean Simon Pigg and Nick Frost TOGETHER ! Who would regret such awesome pair up. And they paired up again in "Paul" !
"Sweeny Todd : The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street", I started writing poems and songs even so more.
EVERY TIM BURTON MOVIE !!!! Made me even more fascinated with my surrounding and creative and crazy.
Catching up to the present, "Bob Dylan : No Direction Home". It's actually a documentary about Bob Dylan's life and mostly it's just about generation change with the music and vise versa. I watched it the day before my General Paper exam. I watched it till 3 in the morning. I remember being so affected by it that I did not sleep before my exam at all. I went to school all worn out with puffy eyes and I was telling about it to my friend. I started yapping about it to my Co-ordinator too. Just then, when I got my question paper "The modern generation can never replace the original masterpiece. Do you agree? Explain". Oh, boy was I pumped to find this question. Though I did not get to quote some of the lines from the documentary because I forgot people's name, but I used bits of it. Got me a B. According to the teacher I would have aced it if I had reached the limit of words.

Well, for now my little beautiful creatures, these are about it. Once I'm done with all the surveys, I shall write more on about this topic and the others that I left a bit raw and unfinished. But for now "Basa hai aama. Goyou hai baba. lahurey bhai aaja ko di-na, farki aaula kunai di-na".

day 17 - what do you want to be when you get older? why did you choose it?

Oh wow, this makes me feel very small now. What would I want to be when I get older? I would want to be someone who knows the value of life, love and just presence like the way she does now. I would want to be someone who would wake up every day feeling happy and not wanting to close her eyes back again to sleep like I do now (haha). 

But honestly speaking, I would want to be a normal, happy person who would love her job, her environment and just herself. Also I would love to do everything that I have thought of and written about and just imagined of. Get into a good college, do good, get a job, love it, earn money, the same old same old plan but at the end when I've reached my goal of earning the desired amount I would just, pay my debt, save some for the FUTURE, save some for family and the little bit that I will have, with it I shall discover NEPAL like I have never done it before. I don't care how long it takes nor do I care about the separation. I have given up the BOND with things and people. If not entirely, I will be ready by then. Company or alone, I shall strive to satisfy my one and only WANT. 

After I'm done with it, I'm gonna join a commune and become a hippie. Nah, kidding. People already consider me a hippie (weird). This is my one and only "plan" as some might call it, for the future. After that, "the answer my friend is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind" (I just had an urge to quote that).

day 16 - if the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth

Well that's a stupid question. It's like you're asking me to plan my entire life in a day and live it right away. If the world was to end tomorrow, first of all you would not know about it because uncertainty is the key and second of all, even if you know it's going to end tomorrow you would be in a panic mode and thinking of the ways to survive. GHAD YOU'RE SO STUPID (Napoleon Dynamite reference) !

Fine, I'll play along and humor you. If the world was to come to and end tomorrow I think I would kill myself doing the most extreme photo shoot ever or get killed by the authorities for painting over the government official areas. NICE ! No, but seriously I would day a day early before the big END because I don't want to die on the same day everybody is going to die. I want people to like feel bad about my death and cry for ME. But once everyone dies, no one is going to cry for anybody and nobody is going to remember anybody and that's just sad.
So, the day before the end I would be doing some extreme Jackass shit but with something that I love doing. I don't even have to have a company with me. Alone is fine, alone is good. No one to put my responsibility to. And on the day I die, people would be calling me names and calling me stupid and what not but they will feel sorry and sad. Oh, yes, they will! Besides the last one to arrive at the limbo is a rotten egg (hehe).
There you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. My statement of entry. I don't know I just really wanted to type that out. It sounds very classy though it does not make sense.
But if the world was to end tomorrow I want you guys to know I have no regrets and I love you guys no matter what. It's not like "love will keep us alive" but you know, it might help you feel a bit better.

I LOVE YOU ! 

day 15 - who is someone you admire. why?

Someone I admire would be me. I admire how strong I've become with everything that has been going around. All the betrayal and dying and mostly just ignorance. I admire how I rise up above everything and start up things again even if it did not work out perfectly the pervious time. I admire how I always stick to my given words and how I always end up being the one who is picked on when she's trying to fucking help. I admire how I love people and always try to be there for them and they fucking leave you without even a sorry and not even a word for crying out loud. I admire how pathetically sorry I feel for people who don't care anymore. I admire the fact that it doesn't take much for me to realize that at times I'm stupid and I do stupid things and I always ALWAYS feel like giving up but end up feeling even stronger because I wanna screw the world downside up. I wanna make people feel what it's like to be nice and turn their backward ass around saying "Hey you fucking retard, grow a pair and face the reality ! There are other scums screwing that person right there. Give her a break ! She already has enough from something what she calls her WHOLE GOD DAMN FUCKING WORLD. You're not helping her survive any more further. So, just fucking stop !". I admire how I love the people who are sticking by me via facebook with late night chat and their "you're good, you'll do good" talk even though I always end up feeling very stupid about it. I admire how I always remember these people no matter what and I smile thinking how stupid they are for making me feel stupid and making me love them so god damn much. I admire how I have lost so many people and gained so much more without even replacing the memories and emotions. I admire how I make things possible and not depend upon some stupid ass's word about how everything's gonna work because "you're awesome!" crap. I admire the fact that I can keep my cool and let it go when I want to because that's what a real mature person would do and can do. I admire how I don't hurt people with a warning. I admire how I love myself. I admire myself. 

I don't need any other person in my life to give me hope that I have already given to myself. If I die on that hope and give up, consider this as a blog with a reason why I let go of myself. 

day 14 - name things that you do every day.

Other than using my laptop every day, I have no life. Kidding.
I don't know. Every day is different somehow and every day I end up doing things that are at times very unusual. Like today for instance, I'm going out to put up a life size stencil. Yesterday I had lunch with my brother and the day before that I think I was writing my introduction in 500 words and panicking. So, I don't do the same thing every day. Except of course the need to do business and also listen to music. Heck, I don't even sleep sometimes.
So, yeah, I don't know.

day 13 - what can you not live without?

Being materialistic, I would say my cell phone.
I use my cellphone as my ipod and as my camera. Usually my cellphone's in flight mode because well, I don't know. I would switch it off but then again I always need my music player and my camera so I put it in flight mode. I think if I hadn't known about how hand Sanitizers are dangerous for pets then it would definitely be something that I could not live without. I used to use those like crazy.
Being  humane, I would say my dogs.
They are so god damn stupidly, lovably awesome. I love them so much. At times I hate Donto because he takes me for granted (even my own dog ) and Button too because he is just so irritating but still I love them. Johnee is the cutest because he's always there though he gets jealous when I pat someone else and gets into fight a lot, but he's a good dog.

Yeah, that's about it I guess.

day 12 - what item of clothing do you wear the most?

Would bra and underwear count for this one? Or do I have to give some long explanation about something that I seriously put on most of the time?
Sigh. Well I have lots of those. 

day 11 - what is your favorite quote? how does it relate to your life?

Oh 30 day survey, if only you knew what kind of a person I am, you wouldn't be asking me such funny question.
My favorite quote. I have a lot of them. But the one I always think of being "Better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for public and have no self" - Cyril Connolly. I don't know where this quote is from or from what year. I heard it while watching Criminal Minds and I've remembered and followed it till date.
I always thought it was cool, you know? I would just think about it and be all like "how in the world do people come up with these kinds things?" But I guess it just comes with a lot of time and experience and just experience.
Enough said, let the guy get some credit in this post. CYRIL CONNOLLY, well said ! 

day 10 - if you could only live off of one food and one beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?

Hands down water and apple. I know it sounds very cliche like but apple is my life. I freaking love apple and I would eat anything related to apple. I think that's the reason why I love pineapple too. And water, it's already a necessity what more is to add to that? I drink like 5 wine bottles of water every day. At times even more. I get so freaking thirsty I don't know why but I just do. I drink a lot of water, even in winter.

So, yeah.. Apple and Water.

day 09 - how old do you think you act? explain

I don't "ACT" ! I am my age and I live the age to the fullest, I mean it lasts only for a year.

Well, I'm seventeen now but I don't go partying and drinking as some people might think that's what a seventeen year old do these days. No, sir. I stay home and think. Kidding, I go out. But I most certainly don't go out drinking. That phase is way past me. People start drinking when they're in their teen years and then later decide to go sober or not, but I started at a very young age and whilst my friends are starting, I've already quit because I've already had all the experience that I need of getting drunk.

I like doing things that I like doing and I don't care what PEOPLE MY AGE do and don't. I'm more of a creative and productive and boring kind of person who does not have a clue of what she's doing or where she's going. Life's more fun that way. 

I guess I'm not certain of how I act. It's just that when I share something to a person older than me (people my age don't understand what I mean or half the time they ignore me) they go "Oh, I've been there", "It's normal", "That happened to me once" and the oh so famous "It's just that you're a teenager now. You'll understand when you grow up". And while that's being said all I think of is "I HATE YOU, YOU SUCK *STAB* *STAB**STAB* ", kidding, I mean come on dude, I know I'm a teenager and I know a lot of experiences are common with fellow teenagers but I'm trying to share. What I'm trying to say is, I think it's because of this that I no longer have that certain age that I "ACT" like. 

Why act like a number when you can act like yourself right? I'm not highlighting act in that sentence because I don't know myself enough to be myself so I act like myself, makes sense? I guess not. 

day 08 - if you could live anywhere, where would you live and why?

If I could live anywhere, I would live right here. I've lived here for 17 years, I know all the nooks and corners and I know all the best places. I mean sure I talk about travelling all the time but that's different. I would travel everywhere but I would still want one place I can return to and be glad.

Kathmandu's a great place to live in. Yes, every place has its downside, Kathmandu having more than one, but I grew up here. I've had my best and worst memories here and I share a lot of experiences here. I would want to go out more without having to worry about what I put on and without my mother giving me that "I get worried you'll get kidnapped" and "I get worried some reckless driver's gonna hit you" speach like every time i go out but up to now I've survived it all.

Naming all the reasons to live here, graffiti would top the list. Where most places consider graffiti a vandalism, here in Kathmandu, they don't care. Sure, some people walk past by it and some disrespect it by pasting posters of movies or some company but there are those some people who actually appreciate the work. Another reason would be, you never get lost. Every place leads you back to the same place. I know it does not sound exciting but picture this, YOU CAN GO EVERYWHERE WITHOUT THE FEAR OF GETTING LOST. I know it still doesn't sound interesting. Without the fear of getting lost? what's the excitment in that, right? But hey, you're alone with a camera and that would be the ultimate thing you would want to do.

But getting back to the point, Kathmandu is a great place to live in and I'm glad to be here. Though Kathmandu could sure use some woods where I could go without the fear of finding some dead body and without the fear of incountering MAOBADIS. 

day 07 - do you read? if so, what are your three favorite books and why?

What do you mean "do you read" ? I find it very offensive for some reason. I don't know why :P
Yes, I do read. But, I have yet to find such three books that I can call my favorite. Well, actually one happens to be THE ILLUSTRATED MAN.
I always thought to myself that if I was not to choose science that I would definitely have a lot of time to go out and read some books. Yes, I said go out and read because there are good book stores near my place. When I was a kid I read a lot of Goosebumps and Ghostville elementary. There were other books too but I don't remember them. But I once remember, there was this one book filled with photographs of all the victims of terrorist attack here in Nepal. There was an exhibition exhibiting all those photos and I really wanted to go. That book was in my school's library. I would take that book everyday and just go through the photos all the time. I even offered the teacher some money for it. He denied it of course. What I mean is, I was all so fond of pictures than words back then. I had very few people suggesting me to read novels or anything that would be good. I would read newspapers because my sister would make me read it, other than that I read nothing.
Now that I want to read I have no books to go through. Well, not entirely true. I have an Anne Frank's book that I need to go through. I'm fascinated with her use of words in such young age however I get tired of her always complaining about things and making things seem so complicated.
Anyways, I shall blog about the books once i find some. 

day 06 - name five things from your wishlist

I wish I could figure things out straight to let you know my 5 others wishes. There are so many things that I think about that automatically becomes important to me all of a sudden. It's not like I am a materialistic person, It's just that I think a lot about what I want to do and what I need to do that I start making a list in my head and I forget about them as quickly as I can.
So, I'm so sorry for this but I think it's just best if I say I don't have any wishes. 

day 05 - at what age were you the happiest?

People would generally go for their childhood, but I think my childhood was pretty rageful. I was always angry for some reason and I remember being depressed at times. I did have my sisters to keep me away from all sorts of trouble that I would have easily gotten into but thoughts of it was never far away. I was quite, hated being social and I'de prefer being alone all the time. I used to go to the terrace where I made a SPOT for myself where I felt like I've left everything behind and I would sit there for hours, writing things, listening to songs or just sketching.
But I'm 17 now and I consider myself to be happy. It's only been a few months since I realized that searching for a reason to be happy is sad and lame. I'm as happy as can be. 
So, my present age would be the age where I was and am the happiest. :) 

day 04 - if you could choose a time period to be born at, which one would it be and why?

Well I don't know how the time period before my time period was, now do I? Anyway, I'll go on about it.

If I was to say the 60's and the 70's I would probably be friends with my own parents. If I was to say the 30's and the 40's I would be friends with my parent's parents. I like my parents the way they are and whoever they are (the last part sounds weird but you know what I mean.). 

But parents aside and thinking about my own, I would go with the 60's and the 70's where psychedelic music and the good vibration roamed the earth travelling in a peace train with a steamy love in the air. The groovy-ness and the hippie-ness, ah yes, I would enjoy it quite pleasantly. I would probably be with bunch of people telling the tales of the peace that only exists in the dreams and the hopes of many. I would attend the Woodstock all high on weed and do some LSD while at it and maybe some acid too. I would have the chance to see, meet and listen to the Woodstock bands in person. I would probably live in the woods with my hairy friends feasting on some shrums. I would even be running around naked in the woods trying to CONNECT with the nature. 

I would most certainly have an interesting life to live surrounded by loving people and such powerful music. Yes, the 60's and the 70's would be quite groovy. So, I would choose the 60's and the 70's where it wasn't just only about sex, drugs and music, it was about sex that meant MAKING LOVE, drugs that meant FEELING LOVE and the music that meant SPREADING LOVE.  

  

day 03 - what band/musician is most important to you? explain why.

I think it would have to be Nirvana. I was not influenced by their lyrics or such since their lyrics never made sense at times. They are just important to me because, I guess it was because of their lyrics not making sense and they did not want people to find some meaning in it. 

They were bunch of dudes just doing their thing, not caring about what people want in music and not caring about what they wrote about. This taught me how to enjoy being myself and not caring about what other's thought about me. Words thrown into their music would strangely be meaningful to me because I was so much into them. "My heart is broke but I have some glue. Help me inhale; I'll mend it with you. We'll float around, and hang out on clouds. Then we'll come down and have a hangover" (dumb), "I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black. Hey wait, I got a new complaint. Forever in debt to your priceless advice" (heart-shaped box) , "I'm so happy cause today I found my friends in my head. I'm so ugly that's okay cause so are you" (lithium), these were some of the lyrics that were so meaningful to me that I found it deep, somehow. 

I remember how I used to listen to Nirvana's unplugged songs that I got hand of somehow and transferred it to my cell phone, everyday and every night. I wasn't a die hard Nirvana junkie nor was I so much influenced by their culture and their trend. I was just very much interested in how they were not interested in words rather just in their composition. For someone who always goes for meaningful songs, I was hooked on Nirvana. They got me past through my junior years without any problem of TRYING TO FIT IN stage. I did not care of what was it that I was doing nor would I care of involving others. I was happy as I could be. 

I bet there are people who would be wondering how in world Nirvana did that. Well, even I don't know. But all I know is, my life started with them. It was after Nirvana that I started going backwards, from pearl jam to bush to CCR to ZZ Top to Janis Joplin to Jimi Hendrix to The Beatles to Bob Dylan to Woody Guthrie and the list continues. 

Nirvana changed my perspective towards music, making me listen to all sorts of songs ranging from different genres and I'm glad to have begun with them. 

So, with no doubt and not even a slightest hesitation (which I usually have when I need to choose) I believe Nirvana is the most important band to me with many reasons that I myself am not aware of while Typing out my explanation.

day 02 - what is your stance on religon? would you affiliate yourself with any?

My stance on religion? Well, to be honest I really don't know what religion is or what is stands for. I always thought religion was a BELIEF that drives people to sanity or insanity, judging by his devotion towards what he believes in.

If religion means worshiping gods and goddesses then no, I don't do that. Though I am very fascinated towards Bhairav and I think that's the only GOD I've had some sort of faithful faith on for some reason. It's not like I don't believe in them, it's just that, even if they do exist I don't think I would do anything about that. I mean I respect their existence and everything but I don't think I would be so devoted in worshipping them and hoping and praying for them to make my life easy and happy. There are countless number of species on planet Earth, which many believe was created by god so don't you think he has enough on his plate to take care of already? You'de just be adding some more problem to him. 

Plus i think religion creates a lot of problem, mainly animal slaughtery. Killing in the name of food and killing in the name of god which is later to be eaten by themselves, there's a difference there. Yes, I eat meat. I eat only chicken though, but doesn't change the fact that butchers butcher them to satisfy my need even if it's for money. 

You know the funny part to this is, God's are against this whole PRAND HINSA, KILLING OF OTHER LIFE FORM and people consider themselves so much into the RELIGION when they themselves are committing sin. Dude, if God's were the one to create everything on this Earth, EVERYTHING, and everything is God's children of some sort, then why the heck would they want you guys to sacrifice their love to them? I'm sorry i said funny. It's clearly not funny. Killing in the name of God, that's just sick.

I think after all this thing, even though not knowing the true meaning of religion and presenting what I think it means, my stance on religion would be "something I would not want to be a part of." 

day 01 - name two significant people in your life and explain why.

Significance of people in my life has a very complicated significant role. I take everything as an experience hence,  their significant role too is my experience with them. But choosing just two experiences to talk about and calling them "SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE" is just something I cannot possibly think of. I love everyone in my life and admittedly I do love the people I hate too. It's these people who make my life the way it is and I am in every way grateful for it no matter how much it sucks at times.
Well, I will be honest, I checked out the meaning of significance in the dictionary. I just wanted to be sure of what is it that I am about to write about so don't judge me. I prepare things very thoroughly.
Any ways, there are far too many people in my life that I call important and far too many people yet to encounter so that I may call them too my SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE. Therefore, everyone is significant to me and if I had to choose just two, I would rather choose none.

for realsies

link :P
http://www.charmroyal.com/tumblr/challenges/  <- the fifth box :)
i'm going to post on each topic given on the list every day.because i too myself realize how much of a crappy stuff i write about :P 

ANNOUNCEMENT

It's been 76 new views long since I last posted WORDS. So what's up? And this time I'm talking to my only ONE follower :P
Getting to the point, I have decided no random posts starting from tomorrow. I created a blog so that I could post things that I actually think about and thoughts that really keep me going. UNWRITTEN THOUGHTS came into existence because of my constant blabbering and rambling and all those other stuffs about my opinion on things that no one else would be talking about. And the other reason was that I love writing and I want to pursue writing, not only writing but photography too side by side.
My friend kind of forced me to create a blog so that it would be easier for me improve my writing flow and also because it's nice for college admission. As weird as it sounds, there are colleges that actually google you out -.- , true fact. so yeah, i'm sorry i did not have anything new for the new viewers even though everything is new to the new people, but again, what I meant was, I'm sorry I wasn't interesting enough :)
starting from tomorrow or after few hours if I get bored, you'll have something interesting to read about :)
also, the texts in my blog are pretty mind blowingly huge, fixing that :)
thanks.

emotion with the nature

whirlpool, wrilpool did form collapsing the two thoughts

blooming flowers, yes the flowers did bloom with the illusion of ever lasting colours

drizzel, it called upon the big guys to tear things apart

wave crashes, yes the non exsisting wave did crash upon the rocks on the shores of the heart. 

imposible metaphore, yes the imposible metaphore were used to describe the feelings bottled inside.

zeus's thunder, zeus's thunder did light the fire upon the tall trees of hopes inside.

death, yes the death did come to the future of the present.

far away land.

it makes me happy to know that someone else is happy in a far off land where flowers grow with a single touch of a hand. it makes me happy to know what someone else is happy on that farewell island where the waves don't crash when there's silence within.

hello lovelies

hello my lovely 37 viewers just passing by without a share or a hello not even a follow. how are you guys today? hope you are lovely as you can be :)
and hello to you good people who still haven't discovered me, my own good old friends who haven't bothered to check out my blog. i still love you guys.
i'm kinda high rite now :P

love love love

i'm in love. yes, i'm in love. it's not with the same guy again and it most certainly isn't with some douchy guy. i just smile and smile because i'm so in love. i don't know why it is but suddenly i feel like the universe has just started talking to me, communicating with me to make me realize that all those times thinking about those selfish substances that would just pretend to make me feel better even though i have to admit it did look cool, are just mere distraction. so i have rejected all and i'm simple and sober as i can be.
if that one person you've loved so much does not return your love at all or just doesn't have the guts to love you back seriously, then seriously, screw that person. think of it, you have the entire life where you meet people who won't exactly replace that person's memory but most certainly can fill in the gape in the heart with the love that that person never did give. sure you feel  devastated thinking how much you loved that person and how you used to be happy. but really, think about it, you're being selfish. you were happy and that's all you saw and you did not give shit about what that person was going through with you around. maybe you made that person's life miserable as hell and all that person could do was nothing cause that person did not want to hurt you since you were happy. didn't think of it that way did you now? just be happy that now you can do what ever you wanna do instead of waiting for that person and also be happy that that person can be happy doing what ever that makes that person happy.
it's a circle of life man, you end up where you were no matter what. only this time, at the end, you go back to the womb of your mother's greatest and grand all mighty mother. so, be in love, feel loved and most of all love them back.
i'm in love with everyone. i'm a love slut if you may :)
and by love i do mean unconditional and non-physical love. well i count hug and handshakes physical so it is kinda physical but over all it's just LOVE.
i love you who ever you maybe reading this or even if you are hovering over my page and just passing by my page.
i mean it,

I LOVE YOU  

Iron And Wine: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert:

i post to myself

hello me
hello you
how are you?
you know me, i'm good, how about you?
i'm good too.so tell me what's new
same old same old nothing new

something that just spoke to me.

WAKE UP AND BE FREE

another unwritten thought

i've been walking around the streets and clicking photos of interesting things like street art and graffiti and stuffs like that for a while now. i have been posting them up on the facebook as well as tumblr. well, that's not the part that i wanna talk about. what i wanna talk about is, how people judge you when you're clicking photos. not that i cared before, cause trust me you i stop and click photos every where i go to and i never do mind people starring at the thing that i click photos of or WHO for the matter of fact.

the judgmental thing came across my mind one day when i was click the posted photos. those are supposed to be together but my cellphone is incapable of clicking both at the same time. well, any way it says ANANNTA SANTI, which means ENDING PEACE and a woman passing by me, who by the way had no manner what so ever to respect the fact that i was clicking a photo just walked right by the camera commented (in Nepali ofcourse,which sounds more rude than ever) "these Chinese click photos of whatever they find". and i'm thinking to myself, wow they do judge people no matter what. that's not it, you see, Kathmandu has this place called Thamel and it is the best place to visit. with all the coolness and hippiness and what not-ness, it's awesome. the local shopkeeper in their best behavior, even though they will cheat tourist, wish you as you walk on by. i guess i look pretty TOURISTY when i'm walking alone with nothing on my mind, wandering around looking around so they were wishing me as well, and getting disappointed when i spoke in Nepali. so, as i was passing by a shop, as usual, the guy said "hello" to me so i replied with the most appreciated smile that i had and as i passed on by he says to the other person (again in Nepali which sounds worse than in English), "That Chick(he might as well have said that) is definitly Nepali". i mean, dude, seriously? you think i'm Nepali yet you have to say that out loud? and i'm going "ugh, people. you amaze me".
I'm down with the whole judgmental thing and well i've somehow managed to overlook the judgement they pass on by me about everyone else including me as well. i think it's because i've never paid attention to them. but these things, i heard it unintentionally. and might i add, i finally know why girls bitch about almost everything. they are judged for EVERYTHING. Guys judge them, parents, teachers, neighbor, friends and even girls themselves. what else would they do instead of bitching about others too.
bitching and judgement is cool and everything, but only if you see it through someone else's eye. what you see might not be true, illusion itself is a disguise of it's own. so open your eyes and realize what might be true could be just another lie.

Bored

Sitting in a little room, wanting to go places, I find myself bored. I have a tumblr account where I reblog stuffs that I like. Most of them just happen to be related to traveling like a vagabond.

I wanna travel :(

This is all I wanted to blog about. God damn you age and no money-ness.

By the way, http://sangrachana.tumblr.com/ follow me on tumblr if you're cool and awesome :)

I follow back i assure you. (if you're seriously cool and awesome that is) 

random random and earth day talk

It's 3 in the morning and I'm sleepless with some thoughts unwritten. Thoughts about life and Thoughts about food, yes, I am kind of hungry rite now but i shall not eat and also thought about who the hell I'm writing for except for my one and only follower, my friend ANDREA UPADHYA. Dude, happy birthday. You just got a shout out on my blog, now isn't this a special thing that anybody could ever do for you? So, don't ask for anything else okay?
Which kind of reminds me, I'm broke. I have some shingles in my purse but I'm gonna have to put it on all my mum cause well, mother's day kind got plain, so i'm using it all up for her.

home girl ANDREA

I've never liked money. I think it's because of it's importance. The way people put Money first and humanity later, ugh, they disgust me. I'm all about (quoting Eric Cartman, whose last name i totally googled cause i forgot how to spell it) "TREE HUGGING HIPPIE CRAP". I love love, I respect the nature and I love letting things take it's course rather than trying to build some concrete THING on it's way.
Speaking of "TREE HUGGING HIPPIE CRAP" and NATURE, it's EARTH DAY. I think it's the only DAY apart from Birthdays that I feel very happy about. What do I do? well basically nothing, but i did plant a tree on Earth day once.I probably should do something, i mean mother Earth is carrying this lazy ass of mine everywhere around. If you think of it, it's her birthday. YEAH, i'm gonna do something real nice for her.Oh, i know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER EARTH

 Thank you so much for being awesome and I am so sorry that you need to carry me all the freaking time even though i'm old enough to walk on my own. I'm sorry that for my comfort you are letting others scar you and hurt you. I'm sorry that i haven't done anything to make you happy nor have I grown up to your expectations. I shall do you proud, one day or the other. My love for you is true and I shall prove my words some day. But till then I am sorry for all the suffering I have caused you, all the sacrifices you've had to and all the lose that i've cost you. 

With strings attached

Feeling that were dead, awakened again with the agony pain that awoke with it within.
Things fell apart broke down and dies, rite there and then but the feeling still remained within.
Stole a new heart, snatched a new beat yet the old one jumped rite back in.
Tires of it i gave up but with a new sound it heard, it started pounding again.
Never understood why this happens but no matter what, this heart never wins; love, feelings and emotions.
Not even a tear for itself, it wastes every god damn thing.
The picture still steals the very existence of the meaning of my existence.
Yet, i still drown in my own blood, sweat and tear even more further.
The world turned into a monster i it's puppet and the world became my master.
Used, thrown and betrayed is what i've become and i'm fine with it, but my eyes still bleed while i fake a smile and play along just to get in.
I still struggle for everyone's approval thinking they know it all, they know how everything works, they know how everything falls.
The cuts that they make, the scars that it leaves, the memories they try to build with it, the pain they try to plant in me, it just digs in me deeper, making my soul grow empty.
They dug so deep and they dug so wide, that my soul still creeps and it still cries.
My heart and soul now works on their command, now that i'm the puppet and the world is my master.

What I don't find, should I bother going out for it?

should I savage my civil to find what may not exist?

should I scratch my brain with the nails of my feet?

should I? could I? may I?

What I don't find, should i think of it as dead?

should I reveal the earth in case the devil's not met?

should I howl at the moon without turning?

should I? could I? may I?

What I don't find, should I find it in somebody?

should I dissect the human body?

should I destroy the heart?

should I? could I? may I?

What I don't find, should I believe I hear the voices calling me?

should I listen to the voices calling me?

should I hear voices at all?

should I? could I? may I?

What I don't find, should I say it's within me?

should I say it's within the depth of me?

should I say it's me?

should I? could I? may I?